27/07/2010

my apointment with Dr Craig Taylor

ummmm he seems very young.... does that mean i am getting old????

ok so here goes.
first thing was weighed... and had put on 3kg.
was to be expected after the lst 2 visits to hospital.....thought i had put back the whole 8kg and more, soooo i guess 3 is not so bad.

saw Dr Taylor. He questioned my choice..... a few times...  but saw my point, and my point that if i was as i am i will not be around in 5 years....

so we went through my health issues, decided to check for a hereditry blod disorder... another one as i have lost 8 pregnancys, and have clots all over....
next we discussed my lungs.... and he wishes i had a different set....

then there was my...


but he booked me in...
september 20th....

now for apra... have to do tomorrow and beg them to rush it.... then ring ing and ask them to rush that too....
he has to be paid by 8th september.

the plan:
see if i can remember....
1.  will go straight to icu, do not pass go.
2.  will have pca
3.  will have anti nausia meds
4.  have to see a chest physio before hand
5.  have to see a anestesiologest or 2 beforehand.
6.  lots and lots of blood tests.
7.  probebly have a central line when i wake up.
8.  said this time next year will be around 50kg less..... i can't process that.... was walking past clothes tonight in big W summer stuff coming in..... and could not see me in any normal size clothes.

9.  will be a five weetbix breakfast.... instead of 1.  i am a challenge.
10.   3 weeks opti
11.   go for a swim or 10 to help lungs.

so there we go sure i have forgotten things....

10/08/2010

h ave not been writing here for a while, have not had much to say.

I don't know what to say today, but know if i don't write soon it will never happen.

I am a little (ok a lot) down today, cold and it is raining.

I have sent my application with apra approveal to our super people today.
so the process for us went a little like this....

i got the original forms and filled them out wiht a letter from my Dr and specialist.
sent them to APRA, then got letters stating they needed more information.
me being me sat on this a while, then started chasing the letters. In the middle of this I changed my Surgeon, and had to get letters from the new one then too.
My GP did not want to say that the obesity was life threatening, but was more than willing to say that I have many life threatening illnesses.... so had to get her to re- write the letters more than 3 times.

I also got her to add that the surgery was booked and any delay would be deprimental to my Health. when i rang APRA to tell them i had faxed them and needed to apply for priority approval, they were cadgey and said they would tell me if my application for priority was approved within 48 hours then i wold know within  5 working days, if it was approved, if not, it would be 12 days... to close to the surgery date for it to get to super company and then get it approved from there.

well i rang the next day, and was told application was sucessful, and the letter was in the post with approval. This was great.
Have filled in all the forms, seen JP and had everything whitnessed and it is all in the super company's hand now.

I have been doing a lot of study. Have finished my course, and started on the next one, which is great as I have finished in record time...
I am doing Create Electronic Presentations at the moment, and like working with Power pOint, but not sure hwo i feel about writing a order of presentation document.

my girls are both sick, coughing and spluttering and have flu so not well at all, and makes me sad that they are both feeling soo yuck. dropped them at the pool today, did not want them walking in the rain. school not happy, but tough. they are not needing to be any sicker.

ummmmmmm

22/08/2010 copied from......

Hi all
it is becoming more and more real, this journey to a new me!!

I have been so busy with study and apra and family for the last month.

Now i will be spending a lot of my time travelling and sitting with my mum.
but i need to get myself organised.

so, what do i need to do?
make lists is a huge thing.... and i can do that here...
i need to figure out what my girls need to take with them to ballina.
i need to get myself organised and what i need ready
i need to cook and freeze meals of hubby for a month.
i need to cook and freeze some mushy foods.
i need to make sure house is reasonable.

am making a start on the house.... have someone coming tomorrow to help me catch up on some of the crap/// my room is a huge mess, and so is the lounge room.
will do them tomorrow and go to the tip with what i don't want to keep.

as for how i am feeling?
have put on all i lost from the OPTI....
so now have to start again.
I need to remember that i have had 3 hospital admissions in 4 weeks, and have been travelling to and from the hospital everyday for my mum.

ok. so not good at talking feelings.... am scared, feel sick and not coping with the idea of pain.
but then think of the pain of carrying another person around all day every day...

29/08/2010

what a week i ahve had!!
my mum is still in hospital, but now has been diagnosed with dementia, and is really showing it.

she is in a room with a "special" a nurse that can not leave the room or the patients alone.

Hubby got a letter from super.... the money is in his account!!!
sooooo he wants to use it to fix his car.... lol not a chance have pinched his bank card and will start taking out the maximum withdrawal amount each day and put in mine.....and then transfer to the surgeon. seems such a hassle.

i ahve a major potassium deficancy, and can't seem to get it  back to normal. it causes extreme tiredness, mussle fatigue and problems with insulin.... need more to do less.

starting opti tomorrow BUT am having a seafood platter on tuesday lunch time! lol was the only time i could organise it for.

i will do what i did last time.
salad
soup
and bags of lettuce mix.

tea
looove lots and lots of hot sweet tea ( i am a little  ahead of some who are doing this as i already use equal..... can't stand sugar tastes like syrup to me)

3 shakes a day coffee flavour for breakfast

strawberry and berries for lunch (frozen berries pureed into a sorbet kind of thing)

and probebly a soup for dinner till they run out then what ever i have left, think i have all the shakes but do need to get salad stuff and veggies to make soup with.
that would be
cabbage
2x cans tomoatoes
capsium
carrot
celery
tomaotes
zucchini
squash
tomato paste
and some chicken stock or veggie stock
dice and cook the lot!!!

that's it for me, need a nap!!!

copied from some where else ... will come back and edit with dates and times...

OK so i need to update this.... sorry ti has been so long....

Monday morning we got to the Mater....

an hour early so my  husband   took me for a drive around Balls point... it was lovely just being together as a couple.

when we got to the hospital, did admissions stuff and then we went to the ward.
DH and i tried to take a lot of before photo's he took about 30.... then we discovered none had worked so back in day clothes, take another lot strip to bra and panties and take another lot and then another lot in the gown.

was nice being together.

then it was time to go to theatre....
saw my sleep  DR... lol Don't remember seeing DR Talyor   though.

DH walked with me, and when we got to the doors he had to go.... but i had my bear!!!
bear came in with me, he (and it is a he even though he is baby pink.....) got masked up too.

IV in and off to la la land...
woke in heaps and heaps of pain, being told to take a deep breath.... felt like throat was closed was sooooo hard!!!
ICU unit for a day and night.
walked 50 meters then

the next 24 hours are a blur of pain, pushing the pca button and vomiting.
on Thursday.. the next day i really remember i was still vomiting and feeling really horrible. but went for walks and did what i should.

I had so many issues with tummy stuff...
couldn't drink water or juice or cordial or anything but milk.... what a life it was.

lol the funny thing is when I     every one wants to leave even me....

tired again... sorry will write more later.....
probably just transcribe from my journal... very good idea write in it as i go each day.

thinking i too need nilstat, but think will try ummmm probiotic tabs kept in fridge add with millions of blue little guys....... can't think of the name.

I am still very nausiated and struggling to remember to eat. i do remember to sip as soooooo thirsty.  I have made  jurnal of my surgery and the lead up and will keep writing in it as the time goes on. the first page says....
"once upon a time.....
there was a very hungry catterpillar......
and this is the story of how she became a butterfly!
i have written a little aobut my childhood. but most is about now and what am going through.
DH took so many bero shots and in hosptial shots and i am going to get him to take some 3 week out shots tomorrow.
See Dr Taylor then too and will ask him for a shot with him....
lol.
Have one with Dr Love.... he was my Dr at the mater for asthma, Diabetes and all my other issues.
BGL's have nto improved at all. bugger was hoping that the surgery would help with my insulin needs.
OOOHHHHH ***** Bio Oil ladies!!! start using on your face and neck at least twice a day.
it will help with hte sagging of the face and wrinkles from losing so much weight. it does seem to cost a lot, but have used mine twice a day for 3 weeks and you can't see that any is missing from the bottle.
will help the grandma face thing from losing weight fast laptop going to die... battery so Hi to all i have missed... lol bye
.................................editied to add.................................................
i can do the milk stuff...... have been having liquid yogurt drinks a lot.
but mainly flavoured water and sustagen when i remember. for diner tonight i mixed 3 scoops with 100ml milk.... had not had anything today except water and 1/4 of a small avocado.... but did not eat most of it..... tried tea today but was not really successful. hope tomorrow when i see the surgeon and the dietitian i will get ideas on how to help me eat better...... or at least be interested in remembering to eat and what to eat.
Last time the dietitian had no idea..... i had to keep reminding her of my allergies and that i am a diabetic.... she just kept trying to sell me the standard products.... not for me at all!!!
i hope that i get some where.... i bought children's custard pots (12 pack) and some pureed apple stuff from the canned fruit aisle.... little pots. try half a tub of each mixed and eat with an egg teaspoon...... they are tiny teaspoons so make it easy to have small amounts.
i have been averaging 400 calories a day, instead of a minimum of 800 calories..... so not losing weight as well as I should be.... body is in starvation mode... and I keep vomiting bile or burping for hours so feel like Yuck all the time.
still don't regret the surgery, already love my thinner body, but worried that i have no interest in food just thirsty.
very thirsty.
like high blood sugars but without them being high....

copied from some where else ... will come back and edit with dates and times...

so, this is my space in this
huge place!!

a place to record my thoughts, efforts and food!!

thinking will do food in a separate post, can do this most days as it only
takes a min or 2... and can update and change as it goes along!!!

was a big kid, but active, remember though that i had a mentality of why stand
when you can sit, why sit when you can lay down why be awake when you can be
asleep....

but i swam 4 or 5 km everyday, surfed had 2 horses that i cared for, and played
netball.....

at 20 i was 85kg, working 2 jobs.

at 23 i was a mum.... and about 90kg

i stayed at this weight until after my marriage, and another 5 pregnancy's.....
but unfortunately we only got to take 2 beautiful baby girls home. after baby
#3, i developed PND, and bipolar....

about 7 years ago i started having asthma attacks and allergies, and started on
steroids... the beginning of the end for me.

fast forward to 2008, i was constantly in and out of ICU< and about 167kg,
and on steroids constantly.

started battling to get the weight off, but would not stay off, so joined a
health fund 29/6/2009.

wiht the aim of being banded, but, no think going to covince surgeon to sleeve
me, have a good argument ready to fight for it, and guess i am paying him so
should be able to get what i need!!

now i am 144.4 kg... well was on 28/5/2010, my scaless don't seem to work at
this weight... so i don't know what i am now,

ummmmm my meal plan... .long!! and posted else where, but i will cut 'n paste

This is my meal plan, is
written for another person to follow what i do....... aimed at another person,
as i was sharing it with someone else, but this is how i do it.

soon as you wake, make yourself tea with equal and 50 to 70 mills low fat milk.

(coffee is to easy to more milk in, but if you can do coffee with this amount
of milk, go for it.)

do your waking stuff, then have a shake. i have a coffee shake made by shaking
100 ml hot tap water and shaking add to my coffee mug, then shake 50 mill
boiling water in the shaker, pour into mug, top wiht boil water... i add extra
coffee and sometimes equal.

lol this is getting long sorry but want to help you get there.... and i will be
doing wiht you each step of the way.

drink at least 3 cups of water or tea before snack.

snack make a soup by chopping a veggie... yum wiht zucchini OR yellow squash OR
cauliflower Or broccoli OR carrot capsicum and zucchini.

you need around a cup of veg, add water to come 3/4 of the way to top of veg
and simmer about 10 min. add a stock cube, puree and add herbs or spices or
more water.

this should make a big bowl of soup. and is surprisingly filling and low in fat
and calories.

lunch optifast soup or shake... make as you like but no milk!

have a lot of drinks - tea coffee (50 mills milk rule )

make a salad of capsicum, tomato, cucumber, onion, shallots, mushrooms, celery
and as much lettuce as you want.

your serve of salad is i cereal bowl...... but not the lettuce what i do is
pile my plate with lettuce, and then pop over the chopped salad stuff.

i have 50mil salad dressing.... no fat or 99% fat free to dip it in... and a
slice of lemon on the side. hint cut up enough for 2 salads in 1 go. but don't
make the puree soup ahead as not so creamy reheated.

drink!!!!!!!!!!!!

have another salad if your not coping.



dinner optifast shake or soup. milk rule applies.

then i if i am munchy, and steroids can make me this way and it is cold.... it
is 4c now.... i make a stew.. chopped veggies cooked with a little tomato paste
and stock and bulked up wiht water... you will be surprised how much a big bowl
of this, (i make 2 meals, 1 now 1 in the fridge for next meal..... try with
onion, carrot, eggplant, celery, capsicum, tomato, cabbage, zucchini.

this is not that expensive.... as most is bulked out with water, lettuce and
stock cubes.

a "cuppa soup" made on a stock cube and boiling water can help too.
this works on so many levels great for diabetes, liver issues, weight loss, and
gives you energy to burn.

Had a quick drop in with the
dietitian and a weigh in..... have lost 3.3kg.... not sure how i feel that but
better than a kick in the teeth. we talked protien, and hair loss... have lost
a lot. she also said that i was not an easy one.. so many allergies. i think i
am going it have fish on fridays and chicken on wednesdays..... not sure how
that will go, but have lost a heap of hair... had a thick brade down my back,
now have what looks like a thick rats tail.

have to book the ultra sound in the next couple of days.

made a really spicy dressing... made me eat slower!!!

1 tspoon of hot english mustard mixed with 2 table spoons of 99% fat free
coleslaw dressing.

HOT!!!

lol

i am a little down today, not sure why and can't seem to get out of the funk i
am in.

going to make posters with the girls today.. using our scrap booking stuff.
should be fun!!

might take them to the scrap place tomorrow

it's been a week and a half
in my life!

Monday, cold cold cold lol don't know what else we did, think i slept the day
away...

Tuesday. did some house hold stuff, made a stack of appointments i have been
avoiding... dentist, scans, and house hold family stuff.

went to dr to get another letter to apra. got my hair cut off!!!


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 







i love it, and want to keep it that way. i only did it because
so much is falling out, never would have thought i would ever cut my hair!!

in the evening, miss 11 was being silly and kicked her toe.... she has only
just gotten out of plaster from 2 broken toes and her 5th metacarpal
(???spelling) so took her to children's hospital..... combination of cold and
other's smoke (don't get me started on smoking) had an

asthma attack

, the children's hospital called an ambo, and i went into
respiratory failure.... was in resus for the night, and signed self out in the
morning........ no sleep full of steroids and other crap.

got home at.... 6.30am! had shower, got girls dressed and off to school, went
to centrelink and then..... DENTIST

. did i mention that i really really hate the dentist and am
terrified of it.....

need: 4 or 5 root canal, 4
crowns, 6 fillings, a good clean.... and a root bed extraction.

will be sedated for some of it.

went back on Thurs.. was supposed to have 2 small fillings, but had 2 fillings
and 1 root canal.

going back today.

also go to see my surgeon's setchitary to get weighed this morning... not
looking forward to this, as i ate like a pig weds from the steroids, just hope
no gain. have to get scanned on Tues, for start of the process for me to be
banded lol my surgeon does not know yet that i want to be sleeved instead!!!

going back to dentist this morning, and to auto electrician... and to return
DOA items... sigh.

OK will get back to you, dear diary with my weight today... maybe!!!

so finally below 140kg.

went to dentist, now have had 4 root canals, and 7 fillings...... $3000
later.... still need more done. next thurs.

so my next week already looks a little like this:

Monday: clean iron and vacuum, nap and hopefully get started with my new
tafe course.

Tuesday: ultra sound and barium swallow.

Wednesday: children’s hospital with miss 11. DH and Miss 10 to dentist

Thursday: dentist 2 hour appointment.

Friday: DH might be going to Melbourne so need ot be ready to play
single parent and get a lot of stuff done. want to change around the kids rooms
and get rid of some furniture too... (HUGE JOB)

i get that a lot.... have
major lung issues, this is the first step in major lung surgery.....

life at home is like anywhere... up and down and all over the place!!!

the jeans.... lol

well, it all started on a cold Sydney Sunday. I decided that i was going to
Church, allergies or no allergies and i was going to stay well the whole
time... (how does that saying go?? the best laid plans of mice and men.....)

Got showered, blow dried and dressed.. last clean pair of jeans, my fav black
ones. chucked kids and nebulizer into the car, and off we went. got as far as
the door... and started wheezing. perfume!!!

had fight with husband and then drove self to hospital. standing at the triage
desk.... and jeans slid down to ankles.... not a nice sight i can assure you.
the more i tried to pull them up the more they fell... ended up with my hair
tie in the waistband.

got home, and was asked why i was wearing track pants to church...... they were
that loss that husband and girls thought was trackies...



note to self.... get some draw string pants or jeans with belt loops.... will
have to go and have a look at at autograph, but don't want to spend money on
jeans if 5kg (i think by now) changes my size this much, as i will need new
clothes every month. think i might actually fit into a 26 now.... sounds
strange that...

i realy admire those that can pump out a blog a day and it makes sence, you want to hear what the person has to say and you go away thinking that you have learnt something from this.

i feel that i am marching time at the moment. not going forwards but not really going backwards either.

Have been in hosptial again, for 5 days after a lunch out. nearly killed me. sooo over pain.

I am not making sence today, tired and i think depressed and have sooo much stressing me.
computers, schools, life, husbands kids and thats enough for now.

i want to get moving forward in my life and be productive.
seems every time i go forwards it means another step backwards.

need to get head together and not feel sooooo sick all the time.

ok whinge over.... lol  I hope.

thought i would get this on paper before i forget...







i was on opti for 7 weeks, and have stopped now, but.....


can live on just a coffee all day and 1 poached egg and toast for dinner.... nothing else...






have had to make myself eat, as feel full quickly..... lol thinking sleeving will be a little like this...






today we went to a buffet lunch... i ate 3 steamed mussels, 7 tiny prawns, a bite of a bread roll (was white and smelt great), 2 black olives, some salad, as in maybe a lettuce leaf, piece of tomato, and a cube of feta... and then went back... and got 1 prawn gow gee, 1 mini spring roll, and a tiny tats.


then dessert....mmmmm there was cake, pavlova, jelly, mouse, ice cream bar, whipped cream, trifle... and i get a slice of pav, take 1 mouthful to sweet so leave it... all the plates i got i left food on, and did not finish.. not me at all.






but putting on weight again.... on steroids and it just comes back!!!

something i love....

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Dolly-Parton-and-Kenny-Rogers-Perform-Islands-in-the-Stream-Video_1/topic/oprahshow


loved this 25 years ago, love it now.

It's been a while, i know, live has been happening and i have had soooooo much to process.

have to change surgeons, mine won't sleeve me, don't know what this means to my apra applications.

been working hard at my change of course. have completed 5 subjects, and have 2 more here to do, more are coming.

went swimming yesterday, was great!! did not swim many laps as had girls with me, but will do more and more as time goes on.

can't find Emily's swimmer pants... think she lost them at the pool. sigh. oh well she will have to wear her 1 piece.

ummmm not much else, am tired this morning, and cold. going back to sleep.... lol.

the last 24 hours

I am, like everyone else, getting slack at keeping up my blog.... sigh

so, here is my last 24 hours, as much as i can remember....

woke at 7:30, logged on had a sticky, went and tried to get ready for day..... shower dressed etc.

got girls up and dressed and off to school.  my darling husband rang and needed me to pick up his scans for him, from Blacktown and get them to Heritage as soon as possible.  got to Blacktown no parking so stopped in pick up drop off point... think a council worker took my picture so could be expensive.

I then went to  office works, wandered around for a while  and then found a printer and ink for less than i thought i would have to pay..... so i got this one. and i bought 2 colour inks and 2 black and white inks to go with it.

also bought 3 purple folders and 3 blue.   went home and sorted out old notes and the folders in the hall cupboard... read threw out heaps of folders and old stuff.  now have all old notes in hall and the lounge only has current stuff. still looking for narrow tall bookcase for the bedroom to hold all the notes and stuff...

rushed off to heritage and then to the dentist. had a filling or 2, then off to castle hill.

after spending most of Wednesday trying to get the girls sneakers, i found Garry and Sarah a pair each, and they were only $24.90 for both pairs.  happy dance!!!!!

on way home i went back to Heritage to see Carlos about rego, drove to the servo, and heard a clunk.... didn't think much of it, it turned out to be the right steering rack mount....  can't get after market, so, $300 for genuine.... twice as much as a targo.... being done Friday 10.30 am.

went home, cleaned up a little, had some rocket and a tea, then went to pick up the girls. home. big big big clean up, and vacuum, then fed girls. Britney and Krystal came over, and then Anastasia.... full house lots of giggling girls and LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Garry came home and took them all to GFS, quiet!!

finally time to set up printer... and it works whooooooo!!!!!

cooked dinner for all, made Garry wraps and the girls a kind of Mexican pizza thing.... looked yum!!!

and bed.... watched master chef and big bang theory.

woke and took meds,  washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen. then back to sleep... up at 3 am, Garry coming home from fixing trailer and getting car ready to go to Melbourne.  cuddle and chat, then read for a while before coming on line....

it's morning, time to get up and get going again. we mum's fit a lot into one day!!!

Dear Diary 1 part 2...

today's weight.....







optifast.. week 3 139.8kg




total weight loss of 4.5KG









so finally below 140kg.






went to dentist, now have had 4 root canals, and 7 fillings...... $3000 later.... still need more done. next thurs.






so my next week already looks a little like this:


Monday: clean iron and vacuum, nap and hopefully get started with my new TAFE course.


Tuesday: ultra sound and barium swallow. pick up glasses hopefully if not on saturday


Wednesday: children's hospital with miss 11. DH and Miss 10 to dentist


Thursday: dentist 2 hour appointment.


Friday: DH might be going to Melbourne so need to be ready to play single parent and get a lot of stuff done. want to change around the kids rooms and get rid of some furniture too... (HUGE JOB)

dear diary 1

copied from my diary
it's been a week and a half in my life!


Monday, cold cold cold lol don't know what else we did, think i slept the day away...


Tuesday. did some house hold stuff, made a stack of appointments i have been avoiding... dentist, scans, and house hold family stuff.


went to Dr to get another letter to apra. got my hair cut off!!! i love it, and want to keep it that way. i only did it because so much is falling out, never would have thought i would ever cut my hair!!


in the evening, miss 11 was being silly and kicked her toe.... she has only just gotten out of plaster from 2 broken toes and her 5th metacarpal (???spelling) so took her to children's hospital..... combination of cold and other's smoke (don't get me started on smoking) had an asthma attack , the children's hospital called an ambo, and i went into respiratory failure.... was in resus for the night, and signed self out in the morning........ no sleep full of steroids and other crap.


got home at.... 6.30am! had shower, got girls dressed and off to school, went to centrelink and then..... DENTIST . did i mention that i really really hate the dentist and am terrified of it.....






need: 4 or 5 root canal, 4 crowns, 6 fillings, a good clean.... and a root bed extraction.


will be sedated for some of it.






went back on Thurs.. was supposed to have 2 small fillings, but had 2 fillings and 1 root canal.






going back today.






also go to see my surgeon's setchitary to get weighed this morning... not looking forward to this, as i ate like a pig weds from the steroids, just hope no gain. have to get scanned on Tues, for start of the process for me to be banded lol my surgeon does not know yet that i want to be sleeved instead!!!






going back to dentist this morning, and to auto electrician... and to return DOA items... sigh.






OK will get back to you, dear diary with my weight today... maybe!!!

dentist

Went to the dentist today again.... 3 fillings and root canal, back tomorrow for more... guess i will sleep well this weekend.

Had gas and listened to my ipod worked just pretended i was not there!!

home, tidied up a little now only 7pm and exhausted so going to sleep.
sorry.
have had a shake and a soup today not much else, to tired and sore.
lol seems dentist is great for not eating!!

hair today gone tomorrow....

got my hair cut...... to just below the shoulders...

i love it, took 5 minutes to wash, was dry in minutes, and looks like it has been just done today....


had a near fatal asthma attack and almost died.
and spent a night in resus....
signed myself out....


at cake and eegs and bacon and chips and and and....


came home went to dentist...
3 root canal's
5 crowns
13 fillings
but none to come out!!!
and will fix the front ones too!!!
Go dentist!!!!

tomorrow.... will be on gas and ipod...
then fillings time!!!

not happy Jan
but i will live through it!!!

sunday night in westren sydney

1 girl in bed, 1 watching tv in lounge room.
husband and i in bed watching forgeting sarah marshall.

it's cold.

have not had enough food or drinks today, need to have more tomorrow. sigh.
never thought i would say that.
made these opti biscuits, and did not like them at all.
3 egg whites
1/2 t cream of tartar
1/4 c equal
2 opti sachets

beat 2 whites till soft peak then add equal and tartar. beat till thick.
add opti.

put in another bowl, beat the last egg white till stiff and fold through the rest.
put in small spoon fulls on the baking tray, and bake 13-15 Min's.
i hated them, think if you add enother 1/2 c equal to the second lot of egg whites might be a little better.

not much else to say.

What is gastric sleeve surgery? pic's so yuck!

Thought I would educate those of you who are not quite sure on what I am having done. The technical name is Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. The surgery is a restrictive type of weight loss surgery that permanently reduces the size of the stomach. It promotes weight loss by limiting food intake and lessening the sensation of hunger; it does not involve intestinal rerouting or food mal-absorption. Above is a picture of what my new stomach will look like. During gastric sleeve surgery, the surgeon removes approximately 60 to 80% of the stomach along the greater curvature, leaving only a small tube, or “sleeve” for the new stomach pouch that extends from the natural stomach opening to the natural stomach outlet. Results show that gastric sleeve patients who have had the procedure can expect to achieve a 60 to 70% excess weight loss at 2 years. you can lose a lot more if you exercise and work at it, eating right and regular. it is also possible to lose too much weight, and have to eat to keep it together...
(info from http://www.wlshelp.com/gastric-sleeve.html)

thinking and feeling...

Life is a strange thing, when you think about it.

God created us to be in His image, and i guess to keep Him company. and we are destroying ourselves and the home He made for us.

Kind of like cleaning your child's room for them to go in and destroy it in 10 Min's. know how much this annoys me, so, if God is a million times bigger does that make it a million times more annoying?

looked at all the different options when i have finished the cert II and there are 3 different cert III's thinking that i want to do financial pathway, but medical is another option.... and so is admin.. or straight business... or do three different cert III"s before i do a cert IV.... then i will know which one i want to do lol.

food glorious food!!!!
sooooo thinking of it today, can't get it off my mind.
have had a shake, and 3 tea's and made a soup from zucchini, and a little chopped veg.... was filling lol
have not had lunch shake but thinking will need it when i am cooking for the others.... and i have to make steak and chips today, sigh will be hard to say the least!!!

going to teach miss 11 how to cook them.
and will make a huge effort not to touch!!!!
ok.
what else.
my son's baby is due in September, and i am soooo green!!!!
hope i get to spend some time with the little one.


Garry is out riding bikes with the girls, they have wanted ot go for ages so glad they have gone.

watching Juno. love the movie.
love the character and how she is with not being sure about anything in life, but she is so sure about adopting out her bub. all the adult are believable and the adoptive dad falls in love with Juno.... love that!!!

i want to go on a long trip to Canberra with the girls but think it will be just 2 nights or so..... wonder how much the accommodation will be???
hmmm another thing i need to do.
ok so that's that. sorry all over the place and rambling, but i said it was thoughts.

lol cold and hungry going to have another tea and a cup of lettuce...
sooo interesting!!

a day of changes.

Isn't this just ME!!!!!!!!!!

so, today i have not even pretended to stick to my optifast plan. so, will have  to go very hard tomorrow. and measure every thing and work it out so that i don't want to eat bread..... that is my down fall.....

well today i dropped out of community services certificate IV....... was doing well but found i was not doing. so, did some research... getting good at finding what i need and what i want to do.  I made the choice to enrol in a business administration course. cheating a bit, as think i know most of the work already and doing it to make me feel better.

I am feeling that i am making the wrong choices, and and i don't know how to fix them.
I am sure that the choice to have the surgery is right, wish we could rush it a bit and bring ti forward. that would mean having someone stay in the house and help with the girls... and at this time in my life I don't have any one to ask or that i would let do that for us. sigh is sooo hard.  wish my mum could come and help us.

i am scared of being home alone for the first week without anyone and Garry at work most of the day, might have to go to heritage in the afternoons or maybe to Beena's or Elma's for the day time... but can't drive so that is not going to be a solution.

why i have changed my mind...

• sleeving has less long term complications
• sleeving means that i can eat anything, in moderation of cause.
• bands...
• slip
• corrode
• need replacing within 10 years
• have a limited sucsess and a lot of the banders regain the weight
• have issues with burping and regergitation
• vomitin
• food can get trapped.
• a port near my hip to get in the way of sex
• and for Garry to bump
• a tube that can get tangled
• and most important for me... is latex and what if my body decides it is allergic to it????

so this is the new thing.... hope my dr agrees.

and that's it for today.... bugger this is about truth...
had 2 slices of garry's fruit bread cake stuff.... and vomited it back up
got hte replacement shakes today, they def better!!!

yummy cauli soup recipe

i know if i don't write them down they are lost...


soooo
cook cauliflower in waterand a stockcube  ... enough water to come about 3/4 of the way up the cauli, not the pan, stir regualialy so it cooks evenly till cooked lol sooo spersific taste, it to salty drain a little liquid and add a little water,
puree, and puree again till lit looks like it just about smooth, this does take a while, as the stuff looks yuck, should be while but looks lumpy.  sprinkle with chopped chives and or garlic chives and or other herbs and a little crushed garic.
yum.

is tuesday

Bad day for me.
had an asthma attack, to dr, oxygen, steroid injections, ventoin nebs more oxygen.... got sats back to 96%.
then ate curry and toast........ steroids in mega doses make me hungry.
love this stuff..... almost as good as i think i remember peanut butter to be....
sigh.

Sunday night tonight!!!

....and i am now not hungry
.....was but have been having unlimited salads.... as in lettuce, tomato, cucumber, capsicum, onion, parsley and shallots.
...............and 99% fat free thousand island dressing. is working for me...... and that is what i need to do.

I will do this as much as i need to, as i don't want ot do what everyone else seems to do and have foods not on my list..... ok so i am having twice as much as i should but at least i am keeping the kj's down....

it seems like food is all i think about  while i am doing htese silly shakes.

i mad a yummy yummy soup from
3 chopped zucchini,
1diced onion
1 massel beef stock cube
and  a cup or so of water.. cook and puree... add salt and pepper and YUMMMMMMMMMMMM

DH has a very sore tooth and it is driving him nuts... and us.
he is in a lot of pain and i feel for hime, he is going to od on pain meds at the rate he is going.....

house looks ok, washing almost caught up, kitchen i can fix tomorrow... and will have to look for some diferetn ideas then

it's saturday night

it's saturday night, and i am over today.
have thought nothing but food all day, have had a lot and i mean a lot of vegetables.... 2 salads and a bowl of celery sticks.
had a coffee shake for breakfast and a strawberry shake for lunch.... and a soup for dinner.

slept all afternoon, was trying to read but slept instead.

still having issuse with food, trying to figure out where and when i want to eat.
food should be a thing i think about only to fuel my body, but for me it is an obsession.
did not realise this till now. 

if your addicted to drugs you can go cold turkey and never take drugs again, if you are addicted to alcohol you can live if you never have any again. if your poison is gambling, you don't have to gamble to stay alive. and smoking, smoking you can stop too. these are alll very hard to quit, very hard to never touch again, but that is the best way to cure an adiction......

but i have to eat to stay alive

it's Friday

well, today is Friday, and it has been all day.

woke up early, was not in the mood to get up, but i did, found that we had a house guest. was too tired to be sociable, and i reacted to all the sprays badly so went back to bed and had nebuliser.
googled optifast looking for a cheap way to buy the stuff.... and found that most places are the same sort of prices.

also *blush* realised during the night that if i did not do something, and continued on the way we normally do, as i am losing weight i would end up pregnant.

this is not an easy subject for me.
i have 8 babies in heaven, and really want more, but know i can't be pregnant and have the surgery that i need.
also, it is not a great idea to be this huge and pregnant.
so, today i went and got a depo shot. and i hate these.
they have so many side effects and take so long to get out of your system.

so, for the next 12 weeks i should not be able to get pregnant.
sigh. have spent 3 years trying to get and stay pregnant.

so.... after the Dr, that took 2 hours!!!! realised it is 11.30 and i did not have a breakfast shake, so, i did, watched some TV, tidied a little, and then went out for a while.

had a shake and mushrooms at 3pm, home made soup at 7 and a shake at 9pm. thinking need to start measuring my liquids better.... and i need to stop ummmmm bubbling!! (stinks)

i will come back to the baby issue when i can, but is hard!

it's Thursday... all day!!!

well, today woke up and was not hungry, went and had my shake anyway, did the morning routine, and then took girls to school.
Came home and started doing the paper work for apra...... and it took ages!!!
Needed a letter from my dr, husbands signature and to copy them all.
So, off i go to the dr.... and realise that i have not filled in the account details.... bugger. It took ages to see the dr then i had to type the letter as i type faster than she does.  went home and got hte information, met Dh on the side of the road for signatures and went to see a J.P. and got them copied and signed.  posted... now have to wait for an answer.

todays food goes like this....
shake (optifast)----------------------------  875kj
tea   ---------------------------------------    91kj
shake  ------------------------------------- 875kj
tea      -------------------------------------   91kj
soup with veggies  ------------------------ 150kj
soup (optifast)  ---------------------------  715kj
salad  1 cup------------------------------   150kj
monster ---------------------------------   116kj
tea --------------------------------------     91kj
tea  -------------------------------------      91kj

total for today.....                                          3245kj

which is calories........                                      775kc

well done girl!!!!

The optifast shakes are nice... i actually like them and i like the shakes, don't need to skull them..... thinking will stick with them.... after all.
weighed myself at the dr's..... 140.0... in shoes!!!!
wish i had weighed myself there on monday, so i knew what my starting weight there was oh well is ok will go every friday from now on.

also seem to have lost about 5cm from waiste... seat belt is def more comfortable.

time to do dinner and make a salad, so, have a great night and be safe.

wednesday

missing toast the most, want to have some with butter..... and cheese or Vegemite or or or or but toast... it is crunchy tasty and hot!!!
(5pm note... husband does not like me.... brought home 2 loaves of bread, one fruit, and 1 lowens... my fav)
one of my favourite foods is a sandwich made with toast, butter and lots of thinly sliced tomatoes with loads of salt and a little pepper, with a hot cup of tea... sooooo yummy!!!!


so, i have stuck to the plan for another day.... well morning. it is lunch time, and i am about to ring the company to see if these revolting shakes should be separating or curdling... not sure which it is.
sooo will be back soon lol not that you will notice that i am not here..... so weird.....
 sending back the box, they will send me some more...

and have ordered another $140 of the shakes..... yuck lol
added 5pm:

bought some optifst today, think that i will cancell the order and try the optifast for a few days. think it might be a better option as i don't have to run around the world to find them.

Made a salad of 2 bunches of parsley, 2 onions, garlic, lemon juice, 2 tomatoes and some no fat dressing.
also need to have some more veggies today, not that hungry now. the pumpkin soup of the kicstart is YUM!!!!! spicy but YUM!!!

monday and Tuesday...

Monday was the first day off the horrible shakes... and they are horrible!!.

the day went something like this.....

woke, took bgl, was a bit high for fasting.... had a cup of tea.

8.30 had my first shake.... made as per packet instructions... yuck again.

made a cup of tea but no time to drink it .....

drove girls to school and then started for merrylands... to buy more shakes.

had a can of monster low carb

lunch...... another vanilla shake, but this time i made it by adding a spoon of coffee and fibre and an equal sachet... and sculled it down..... still yuck but a little better
made a veggie stew thing for veg serving.....

1 zucchini

1/2 eggplant

1 onion

1 tomato
1/4 capsicum
a handful of sliced mushrooms
and some tomato paste and a veggie stock cube.
was nice.

dinner was another shake as per lunch and a bowl of lettuce, tomato, cucumber and fat free dressing.

drank a lot of tea as the day went along.


Tuesday was another day of shakes,
breakfast 1 strawberry shake... don't go there in a hurry....
tea tea
made 2 cups of stock with a massel stock cube and boiling water. was good.... until i was half way through the second then i decided that i need to only have it some time as was very strong...
had 4 sliced mushrooms
napped
lunch was a vanilla shake at 2 pm with half of it ending up on the floor.

dinner...... made a salad of lettuce tomato and cucumber..... and some carrot forgot to add the capsicum, and celery and onion... oh well tomorrow.... have not had shake yet am still satisfied from salad thinking will try shake hot with the coffee and 50 ml milk wonder if i can convince myself that it tastes nice....

the girls ate the avocado... wish i could!!!

about me and my family

ummmm first off who i am. this is me and my DH in january..... about an hour later i was in an ambulance in a coma, but that too is different tale......
i was born.
and i am still alive and that is a bonus!!!!
OK, so the rest is a little more interesting i guess...
i live with my husband in western Sydney, with our 2 daughters, miss 11 and miss 10, and the cat mouse.
i also have a son, Mr 17 and a daughter in law in training.... and soon i will have a grandchild...... but that is for another post.

we live in a tiny 3 bedroom house, battle to keep it warm and clean.
the girls go to the local primary school. they are doing OK. DH works in wetherill park and seven hills.....

we are born again spirit filled Christians. we love our church and church family, DH is involved in a lot of church activities, i was but health has toned that down lately.
We have a busy life, with activities 3nights a week, plus home work and other stuff.

ummmmm i have had a hard life, love being married and the changes that has mad to my life.
this blog will end up wiht a lot of health information in it.... as that does consume a lot of my life.
i have had enough of my weight and have decided to do something positive about it..... like get rid of it.
so, this is the beginning of the story and we are starting from a place that i will call the beginning even though a lot of the weight has come off sort of........ i lost a lot while i was nuts (another long story) but i was not taking steroids almost daily then..... and i put on another 15 kg, so now i am 144.4... as of Friday 28th May 2010.

seeing how this works so not a real post!!!! will add some pics!!

Garry and I

sarah and emilyJani and Bon

pre peircings and colours and other yuck stuff