a day of changes.

Isn't this just ME!!!!!!!!!!

so, today i have not even pretended to stick to my optifast plan. so, will have  to go very hard tomorrow. and measure every thing and work it out so that i don't want to eat bread..... that is my down fall.....

well today i dropped out of community services certificate IV....... was doing well but found i was not doing. so, did some research... getting good at finding what i need and what i want to do.  I made the choice to enrol in a business administration course. cheating a bit, as think i know most of the work already and doing it to make me feel better.

I am feeling that i am making the wrong choices, and and i don't know how to fix them.
I am sure that the choice to have the surgery is right, wish we could rush it a bit and bring ti forward. that would mean having someone stay in the house and help with the girls... and at this time in my life I don't have any one to ask or that i would let do that for us. sigh is sooo hard.  wish my mum could come and help us.

i am scared of being home alone for the first week without anyone and Garry at work most of the day, might have to go to heritage in the afternoons or maybe to Beena's or Elma's for the day time... but can't drive so that is not going to be a solution.